


You're both so miserable without each other

by magicalightwood



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: After 1x13, Kissing, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, Simon & Alec are friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-06
Updated: 2016-04-06
Packaged: 2018-05-31 17:42:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6480343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicalightwood/pseuds/magicalightwood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happened to Raphael and Simon after saphael broke up in season finale and how miserable they are without each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're both so miserable without each other

**Author's Note:**

> That's the first thing I post, I hope you'll like it !  
> I love Saphael so much, the season finale broke my heart so I needed to write them a happy ending.
> 
> English is not my first language, so sorry for my mistakes.

The shadow hunters girls, Camille and Simon were gone in seconds. One of the other clan member asks what they were supposed to do now and Raphael simply answers « nothing tonight », he sounded so sad that no one asks for more explanations and Raphael just leaves to his room. He locked himself in and stayed in for days. No one dared to disturb him except for Lily, every single she came to check on him, to make sure he was feeding, to make sure he wasn’t going to let himself burn in the sun. She knew he didn’t want to talk so she never opened her mouth when she came in his bedroom, she knew him long enough to see that something have been broken in him that night but she was clever enough to wait for him to talk about it. Soon days became weeks and Raphael was still not talking.

————————————————————————————————

They left the hotel so quickly that he didn’t even realized, the next minute they were in Magnus’s loft and a some time later in Camille apartment in the Upper East Side where she made him signed that thing with his blood. But Camille being Camille just played them and they had to find the Book of the White all by themselves. Then Valentine and his people came, Jace left with him to save them all. All those things happened right in front of him but Simon’s mind was away, it seemed like he wasn’t really here. After all that he came back to the Institute with Clary, Izzy, Alec and Magnus, he realized that he had no where to go now : it would have been suicidal to go back to the hotel Dumort, he couldn’t go home, he couldn’t go to see Luke since he was here in the Institute so he stayed to. When Magnus managed to woke up Jocelyn, he felt better for a few second, at least one good thing in that day. At least he hasn’t ruined whatever was going on between him and certain other vampire for nothing, he did it for Jocelyn. He knew the Lightwoods parents weren’t really happy to have an other downworlder in their Institute but anyway he was given a room and stayed in here for a long, really long time. Days. Maybe weeks. Clary was checking on him everyday, she brought him some clothes, books and movies from his house. And she was bringing him blood every single day to make sure he wasn’t going to let himself die from starvation. Izzy came to him everyday too, she wasn’t as worry as Clary, she was telling him about all the little things that were happening in the Institute in order to distract him. Magnus came sometimes too. And one day Alec Lightwood came in. Both of them weren’t really friends or anything, Simon knew that Alec couldn’t even barely stand him but anyway he came to see him and he looked so sad and so desperate that Simon feel sorry for him because it seems like he was looking at some kind of reflection of himself. He knew that Alec wasn’t here to check on him, that he probably needed something from him and it kind of felt to see someone who wasn’t worrying for him. Without any introduction Alec said that he needed to talk with him because he thought he would be the only one to understand but really Simon didn’t understand why him in every people around this Institute would understand Alec but he stayed quiet so Alec kept going : « Since that night I feel like nothing is the same, I feel like I’m going to loose Magnus and all » he stopped « but that’s not why I’m here, I wanted to talk to you about Jace, about loosing Jace actually » and Simon was even more lost than he was before, so he looked at the shadowhunter with all his incomprehension in his eyes. « I know you haven’t opened you mouth since we’re back here from that night and I haven’t been talking a lot either, at least not about that. I don’t know what it was between you and Raphael but I do know that you lost him just like I lost Jace and I thought maybe we will both get a little better if we talked about it. » And for the very first time since that night Simon opened his mouth. If someone has told him it would be to talk about his brokenhearted to Alec Lightwood he wouldn’t have believed it.

 

————————————————————————————————

After weeks Raphael hoped that things would have get better but he still felt empty, he still had nightmare every single time he was sleeping. And he still fell asleep holding that dark blue jacket his fledgeling once wore. He wrote kind of a letter to inform his clan that Lily was in charge for a while but one night when Lily came to check on him, she said those world he wasn’t ready to hear « The clan needs you Raphael, I’m doing my best but you are our leader and we need you. I don’t know what’s really going on with you but you have get back to your place, you need to be our leader again or we won’t last long anymore. » And suddenly he realized that she was right, he was the leader of the New York clan and his clan, his family needed him. He was the only one able to protect them now the accord he had with the read head shadowhunter was no longer valid. « You’re right Lily, my family needs me » that’s all he said for a while, when the other vampire was on her way to leave he add « Thank you Lilly for everything you’ve done for me during the last few weeks. » The smiled at him but he could see in her eyes that she was just as much worried as she was every other day. « Tell them I’ll be back tomorrow night. » She nodded and then left. The next night Raphael woke up early to get dressed, he get his hair done perfectly and he finally get out of his room. His clan seemed happy to have him back and he thought he was glad to see them too even if the one he truly wanted to see wasn’t here and will never be there again. This made him sad again but it get worse when one of the vampire asked what they were going to do about the shadowhunters, Simon and Camille. « If anyone find Camille just kill her. » he waited a long time before adding « For the shadowhunters we can’t really do anything or that will start a war and that’s not what we need. » He got lost in his thought, his own words coming back to him, that promise he made to the shadowhunters a night that now seemed to be forever ago « I’ll look after Simon, you have my word » and Raphael Santiago was the kind that kept his word no matter what so he said « And for Simon, that’s the same, we can’t do anything or we’ll probably end up with a war too, so let just focus on Camille. » That’s what he said to his clan but deep inside he knew he just rather live without seeing Simon again but knowing he was alive than knowing him dead, because that would kill him too. How it happened he didn’t know, he just kidnapped an annoying mundane and then help the shadowhunters to save him, he tried to protect him from Camille but it was too late and the annoying mundane was turned into an almost as annoying vampire. Raphael trained him, made him deal with the wolves, and the realized he wanted him to « stick around » so he made him his personal advisor. He grown to bear the fledgeling, enough to let him borrow his suit one even if he ruined some of his jackets before. He grown to actually listen to him when he was talking nonsense about some mundane stuffs or about shadowhunters, even when it was about werewolves. He will never admit it out loud but he was actually enjoying his company. He was missing all those time he asked to shut up, all those time he was appearing behind him and make him jump, he was missing the annoying talks about mundane movies. He was missing Simon. Of course he was mad at him, and hurt because of his betrayal and he knew he was’t supposed to miss him that much but even Raphael Santiago happened to have a weakness and that weakness had a name : Simon Lewis. He wasn’t sure he was ready to see Simon but he couldn’t stay here doing nothing anymore so he wrote him a letter. 

————————————————————————————————

Simon realized that it felt good to talk to someone, he realized that despite of what it seemed Alec Lightwood was a really nice guy, and that they had much more in common than he first though (and even much more than being in love with some guys). They began to talk about Jace and Raphael and how much they were missing them, Simon may cried a little but Alec let him and actually confort him. Then they kept talking about almost anything and everything during the rest of the night. Alec even offered to learn him how to use a bow and arrows, Simon would love that. Alec was about to leave when Simon catch him and look at him right in the eyes to tell « Thank you Alec, thank you for talking to me, staying up all night to do so, you didn’t have to and that means a lot to me you know, having a friend (?) to talk with. »  
« Actually you’re less annoying than you seem to be, and it felt good to talk with you too Simon. And I think we can say we’re friends, yes. »  
« I think you kind of saved me, Alec, I mean it so thank you, truly. » Alec saw in the vampire’s eyes that he was speaking with all his heart, so he put a friendly hand on his shoulder and said « Anytime » with a smile and then he left to get at least a few hours of sleep.  
After Alec left, Simon realized that je couldn’t stay in that room anymore, he had to do something. He was going to train with Alec that was a start, he was going back with the livings (even his was actually undead) but he knew deep inside that he has to do something about Raphael but je couldn’t just show up at the hotel Dumort. So he wrote a text to his leader where he was apologizing for what he did, for letting Camille out, for choosing the shadowhunters over the vampire and most of all for betraying him, for breaking their bond, his trust. He wrote a text and he didn't send it. The next day he went out of his room and Clary hugged him for minutes, it get great to be in his best friend arms, just like old time. The he trained with Alec, Clay and Isabelle came to train too. At they were going on a shadowhunters mission, a Valentine one, in order to get closer to get Jace back and they asked Simon if he wanted to go with them and so he went but some vampires were there and he couldn’t help but think that they were going to kill him, kill them all, he told Clary and that’s what she answered « If they were told to killed us we would already be dead Simon, and I believe Raphael isn’t the kind who broke his word and he kind of swore to protect you so I don’t think he will ask anyone to kill you. » Raphael stayed in his mind the whole night, again. When they get back to the Institute he send that stupid text, he knew that the other vampire would probably not read it but for some reasons he needed to send it to him so he did.

————————————————————————————————

That night Raphael send some vampire on a mission but he knew shadowhunters would be there so he didn’t go with them. He leaves the hotel some time later and found himself at the Institute, he decided to give that stupid letter to Simon but he couldn’t go inside the Institute so he just left it in front of the door, hoping that someone will find it and give to the young vampire. He left and got back to the hotel, Lily was waiting for him. She said that the read head shadowhunter girl told her how sorry she was about everything that happened with Camille and that she hoped he will eventually agree to a new accord between shadowhunters and vampires. He replied that he’ll think about it but what he was really thinking about was Simon, he part of him wanted that letter to get lost somewhere between the Institute’s door and Simon but most of him wanted Simon to read it. That’s when he heard his phone, he was surprised since he never used it. The only person who has actually texted him was Simon since he has left he didn’t get any text, and Raphael felt his tiny hope in his entire body. He reached to is phone and if he wasn’t a vampire he would probably have fall, the text was from Simon, he waited a few minutes before opening it. 

« Hi Raphael, it’s Simon, I don’t know if you still have my number on your phone and even if you still have a phone but anyway I needed to do that, hopefully you’ll read, if you don’t want to I’ll understand. I just wanted to apologize for everything I’ve done. I let Camille go even if you asked me not to. I stood for the shadowhunters and not for my own kind. You and the whole clan are totally right to be upset, to be mad at me, to want me dead, I would to I think. But most of all I need to apologize to you, you took care of me, you trained me, you made sure that I would need for nothing, that the clan will accept me. You trusted me I think, I was your advisor as you said and then I betrayed you and that unforgivable. I broke whatever it was between us even before we really got a chance to figure out what it was and I’m sorry Raphael, I really am, I think I’ve never regretting something that much. I will be fine if you never want to heard of me again but at least I had to tell you that. I’m sorry and I’m ready to do anything to be forgiven if that’s even possible. Maybe then I would be able to forgive myself. Anyway I hope you’re fine and that you’ll be forever now that I won’t be around you to get you troubles.

 

And I miss you… »

At some point he must have sit and now he was looking at his phone’s screen as if it was going to tell him what to do. He felt something on his cheek, it was a tear. Him, Raphael Santiago was crying because of a text from his annoying fledgeling, he didn’t really know why, it was half sad tears and half happy ones. He couldn’t stand Simon feeling guilty, that when he realized that he had forgive him already one day during all these weeks. And he was crying of happiness because despite everything, despite the fact that the last thing he said in front of Simon was an order to kill him, Simon was missing him so maybe everything wasn’t lost yet. For the first time in weeks Raphael felt something living in his undead body.

————————————————————————————————

After sending that text, Simon went back to his room, there was a paper on his bed, he took it and stood in shock when he recognized Raphael’s handwriting. He sat on his bed and opened it.

« Simon,  
I know that you probably hate, you have every right to and I understand that, I threatened to kill you and that the kind of things that can’t be easily forgiven but I hope someday you will, even if it’s in thousands years. I understand why you did what you did, you care for the people you love and you’ll do anything for the even get yourself killed but I really hope it will never go that far because I won’t be able to live in a world where you’re dead. Even if I never see you again, I beg you to stay alive Simon.  
Raphael

The letter was full of tears now because Simon was so happy : Raphael didn’t want him dead, he didn’t even hated him, Raphael was just afraid that he would hate him but how could he ever hate the older vampire ? He wasn’t even mad at him for asking the other vampires to kill him, he would have killed himself too. Simon needed to see Raphael right now, he had no idea what he was going to tell him but he really had to see him, this night because for the first time since that other night he felt something which was not sadness. He run out of him bedroom as Clary was on her way in : « Where are you going this vampire fast at that hour ? » « I need to see Raphael. » he all he answered as he was already in front of the Institute door. Clary and the Lightwoods siblings stared at him but did nothing to keep him inside.  
He ran straight to the hotel Dumort, he didn’t really know what he was expecting to find but lucky for him that was Lily who opened the door, Lily was always nice to him when he lived there and she smiled at him when she opened the door « I need to see Rapahel » he said, she smiled even brighter but her eyes were sad « He just left a few minutes ago. »  
« Did he tell where he was going ? » knowing that of course he wouldn’t have  
« You know him, of course he didn’t. »  
« Then I’ll try to find him, thank you Lily. » He smiled at her and leave, he was going to try to find Raphael but it was easier to say than to do because they were in New-York and New-York was a huge city and the sun will rise in just a few more hours.

————————————————————————————————

Raphael left the hotel really quickly, he saw Lily’s look asking where he was going but he didn’t say anything and run as fast as he could to the Institute , his vampire were back so the shadowhunters would be back too. When he arrived there, he knocked at the door which was opened in seconds, he was now facing Alec Lightwood, he thought he would have be better to see Clary but Alec spoke before he could say anything « Simon, he’s not there.. »  
« Where is he ? » he asked no letting Alec end whatever he was going to say  
« Looking for you. » answered the tall shadowhunter with a smile  
« Really ? »  
« I wouldn’t tell you that if that wasn’t the truth, anyway what is going on with the two of you tonight ? »  
« I hope we’re going to figure it out » Raphael said full of hope before he left  
« You’re both so miserable without each other » he heard Alec say  
He knew that Simon would probably went to the hotel where he was not, so now he could be anywhere in the city. Without even thinking about it he went to that one place his life changed, where he first met Simon when he was still a mundane, where he kidnapped him and didn’t really believed he would find him there, he just wanted to go back at the moment he led eyes on Simon. And here he was, sitting on the ground just like he had been waiting for him. Maybe he was, Raphael couldn’t stop hoping he was. And then Simon saw him and he smiled, Raphael was staring at him thinking how much he missed this smile and he smiled back at him, that smile he only gave to Simon.  
« I’m sorry » they said both at the same time  
« I’m sorry, I really really am » said Simon again « I shouldn’t have done what I’ve done and I-I, w-we- » he was talking nonsense, Raphael missed that too, « I miss you » he finally said not looking at Raphael  
« I am sorry Simon, I shouldn’t have threatened you, whatever you did it wasn’t something you should die for. »  
« I understand that you’ll hate me forever and I could live with it you know, being away from you that long made me realized some thing… » the rest of the sentence got lost because he almost even not whisper it  
« I was mad at you, but I didn’t hate you, not even a second, not even when I ask the clan to kill you, then I realized that I couldn’t live if you were dead because I don’t hate you Simon » he paused and got closer« I love you. » and he came closer again, one more step and he will be able to do what he had wanted to do since he met that annoying mundane but he didn’t take that step. he didn’t know if that was what Simon want and he felt full of doubts, what if Simon just wanted to be his advisor, his friend but nothing more ? What if.. he couldn’t even think anymore, Simon’s lips were on his, he kissed him back with all he had and they kissed for a long time but it wasn’t long enough for him, he leaned back when Simon broke the kiss but didn’t reached the taller guy lips. Simon was smiling, he wanted to kiss Raphael for so long, he looked straight into the other vampire’s eyes and smiled when he said « I love you too Raphael. »  
« Let’s go home. »  
« I need to call Clary to tell her » and so he did, he explain her quickly what happened and ended up saying « don’t worry for me, I’m going home with my boyfriend. » And Raphael smiled more than ever when he heard that, it sounded so good, he was Simon’s boyfriend. When the got back in the hotel, Lily smiled at them but said nothing. They went to Raphael’s room and just laid down in his bed in each other arms. They kissed again, that time the kissed was deeper, not as desperate as the first but with as much love. For the very first time since he turned into a vampire, Simon felt exactly where he was supposed to be, he felt home in Raphael’s arms, in his boyfriend’s arms, he was undead but finally alive. When the sun began to rise, Raphael kissed Simon again, before they fall asleep. That kiss was a promise, a promise that no matter what will happen to them, they’ll have each other, forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading it, I hope you enjoyed it !


End file.
